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2014/11/18 / tocovava

from the Stockton Board meeting report

Then spoke Town Clerk Albert Prince. Prince said the Ambulance Response Time (ART) is down to seven minutes and 32 seconds. That time represents the quickest ambulance response time in the history of Stockton. (Record keeping began in May of 2002.) Seven minutes and 32 seconds sounds nice, and it is, of course. And facts are facts when read aloud in a cold community center function room, snow as big and wet as ravioli falling in the parking lot beyond the windows, a pulsing halogen bulb over the commissioners’ table, but the record is a fluke. There was a preponderance of prank phone calls in October. Actually, the calls were real. They were made, the emergency number was dialed. The emergency phone rang and was answered. But no ambulance was dispatched. Some of the situations calling for an ambulance were fictional. Those that were fictional drove down the ART. Do not think the responders dismissed calls that  were deemed ‘fictional’, that is not the case. Burned once by a prank, responders began to employ the caller ID function on the Lucent Technology phone. Through that system they came to recognize the phone number of the prank caller. For the record, though, the calls were made and an entry was put into the ART folder, and the corresponding ART was entered as zero. Those instances should have been entered as Not Applicable (N/A), and not been part of the ART tabulation. The rotten youth responsible for the prank calls has been given the attention and discipline for which he cried out so wantonly. In response to the skewed ART numbers local accounting firm Nuferr Staffing will create a new product to re-tabulate and re-adjust the ART for October, if necessary. Some, well, one of the public in attendance at the board meeting wondered if doing so will only encourage more prank calls. Confused murmurs issued throughout, “How was that conclusion drawn?” “Just you watch. America must repent.” A stout group of the public wondered about the expense of hiring Nuferr Staffing.  “Yeah,” they said, “Yeah.” This group once again challenged the competency of Town Clerk Prince. Prince said he had nothing to do with the hiring, “It was done over my head.” Someone whispered, I wish it was done over your dead body. Somebody asked was Albert Prince in the can when the hiring was approved? Because the numbers seem pretty easy to re-tabulate, just take out the prank calls.

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